When there are too many thoughts...

... it becomes difficult to put them down in a structured way. So maybe I just start and see what happens.

Though its already some time ago I still feel like writing something about my fabulous holidays. First I spent 1 week at home and enjoyed all these silly but absolutely necessary christmas traditions with my family. I met up with my cousin, went out twice with my dear friend Bea and joined a class re-union which turned out to be really fun! Havent seen some of my former class mates in years and most of them are either married or have children... and in some cases its the full package. Its kind of a weird realization to be one of the few still on the road. Guess you always want or admire what you dont have. Maybe I should appreciate my life a little more - I mean its pretty cool to have spent 7 months in Kenya, 10 months in India and to live in Amsterdam now!

Talkin about Kenya... My Norwegian friend Anniken and I spent 3 fantastic weeks in the country of our hearts and had a blast. So I basically came back from Greifswald (my hometown), swapped bag in Amsterdam and got on the plan again on the 28th December to meet up with Anniken in London and fly together to Nairobi. What a feeling it was to be back; everything so familiar and different at the same time. During the first night and day we behaved like children: pointed out everything we recognised, stared at people looking for known faces (and believe me: we often thought we saw one), enjoyed the sun, typical sounds of Nairobi during the day and Africa in general by night. After 1 day of walking around, drinking coffee in one of the many famous Java coffee houses, having dinner at Trattoria (I simply love the place!) and meeting the first friends we got on the night bus to Mombasa. What a ride. I swear - no night busses for me anymore... My stomach just doesnt approve it ;-) Anyhow, I survived and we arrived at 6am with the prospects of meeting some guys we had spent Easter with 2 years ago and 1 week of pure relaxation at the beach. Back in Nairobi we started to meet up with a lot of old friends, did some serious clubbing in Westlands, more coffee in Java's, shopping and bargaining at the Massai market and lots of dinners in really good restaurants (there are so many I had not been to or that came up in the last 2 years...). Then we got really lucky as David (a friend and very good chef) invited us to go visit his friend Severin (a chef himself) in the Aberdare Country Club! We spent 4 amazing days at the club with a great pool, breakfast service to the room (guys: you really rock!) and delicious dinners cooked by David and Severin. I am still a bit freaked out about the fact that we simply walked around in the sanction without any kind of weapon knowing that cheetahs live there as well. But being so close th zebras, giraffs and what not was definitely a highlight. Thanks you guys! Back in Nairobi we had another 5 days before it was time to head back to Amsterdam. These holidays were simply perfect. A special thanks goes to Ash - Thanks for letting us stay at your place, cooking for us, taking us around in Nairobi, organising our bus tickets, booking our cottage at the beach and for just being a good friend! Looking forward to hosting you in Amsterdam...

Now, what does my life look like right now in Amsterdam? It certainly improved compared to 2006 (which - I have to admit - was not that difficult). But I have a new manager and it seems that I finally will enjoy work and learn useful things. Apart from that, I decided for 2007 to try to spend more time with Dutch people and become a true Amsterdamer ;-) So far I am doing quite well with it as I was 3 times out with some Dutch friends. Keep it up...

Re-discovering the power of blogs

Goede Middag,

As they say here in the Netherlands... Right now I just want to share this thought with you: Blogs are spreading out everywhere nowadays; first I had some friends with blogs and now even top managers of my company use to have have a public blog where they share their daily life with interested readers.

I have to admit it is very interesting; almost like having a conversation or listening to a speech of someone. It is getting even more interesting if people raise questions related to their situation or share some personal thoughts in the blog. So whenever I come across such a blog it triggers me and I kind of started to check regularly what is goin on in that person's life. Quite fascinating - don't you think so? And certainly brave!

Sooo, keep it up and share with us, my dear XYZ!

Which 4 things would make you happy right now?

Last Friday we had a Girlie evening at my old house because our dear Gina (a great Mexican girl) is leaving Amsterdam this week. After some good food and toasts we were sitting with 6 girls in the living room and spoke about things that matter to us right now. At one point Gina asked me: " Jana, which 4 things would make you a very happy person right now?" Out of these 4 I would like to use this forum and share 2 with you as they are very fundamental to me and add a lot to one's personal happiness or unhappiness:

1. My Job I dont think that choosing Compliance as such was the wrong thing to do for me but unfortunately I was not that lucky with the team constellation. Since almost 6 months I am now trying to get a foot down in this new field but I realised that it requires a lot of learning and help from others for being able to do so. If this help is not available its probably easy and maybe even natural to get lost and less and less motivated. Without being respected as a human being with some experiences at least you start wondering what the sense of this is after all? Do I have to let other people do this to me? Where is the line that should not be crossed? What can I do if my opposite is unaware of a proper feedback process? Is it worth fighting for this or would it be smarter to just leave?
Now, I have to admit that I am not really a person that gives up easily. It is rather the other way around. I grit my teeth and face the challenges. But there are probably situations in life where quitting something is considered to be the right decision and staying on would be foolish.
So, here I am... not knowing what to do... totally in the spirit of the song "Should I stay or should I go"...

2. Friends Moving to a new city/country always means - among other challenges - starting from scratch with your social life. Its never easy to find friends that become so close that you feel totally comfortable and are able to share everything, etc.
In some cases this challenge might be good and refreshing one but in others its quite a hurdle to be cleared. At this point I have to admit that its more a hurdle than anything else. After living in 6 different cities in 3 different countries/continents, Amsterdam is number 7 and quite a task at hand for me. When talking to some people here I am being told to be patient and give it more time. Last week a friend said it took her 2 years to finally establish a steady group of friends. Is there no fast lane for this??? If I have to continue floating through Amsterdam's social life without steady anchors I am not sure how long I will feel ok with it.
Before coming here I had promised myself not to get into the AIESEC trainees circle too much - but I realised pretty quickly that there were no other open doors in sight. In case someone wonders why not AIESEC - hmm... I've been closely linked and 100% involved in this great organisation for almost 8 years: from founding a local committee at my university in Greifswald to being a 2-years fulltime member of the national board of AIESEC in Germany to being a trainee and supporter of AIESEC in Kenya. In India I purely enjoyed my life as a trainee and participated in all kind of activities. But there comes a time in everybody's life where you feel the need of moving on and cutting off some ropes.
This I had intended to do as part of my new life in Amsterdam. After 6 months I can say I was not really successful. Which is not bad at all considering the amazing people I have met here ... but still... it leaves a bitter-sweat taste...

So, what to do now? I might just think a little more and wait a little more... Sometimes things fall into place when you least expect it.

What keeps me going meanwhile? Its just 3 more weeks till Christmas and I can assure to really, really looking forward to that. Nothing against Kenya and India during Christmas but ... Germany does have some nice traditions I dont want to miss out another year! To make this treatment a really special one I decided to spend New Years and 2 more weeks in Kenya!!! My friend Anniken from Norway (she did a traineeship in Kenya at the same time as I did) and I meet up in London at the 28 December and fly together to Nairobi for 19 days of fun, sun and a lot more... Will share more details later!

Guess who's back...

Ohhh... its me again. This time I almost managed to be quite for a year - though this one has been rather eventful: my last 4 months in India, return to Germany in May, MC 2002/2003 re-union (as every year) in Portugal, my job with ABN AMRO and settling in Amsterdam. This is just a warm up message. More to come veryyyyy soon - Promised! It just feels right now and it might help me to breathe....

After a long silence...

Yes, Yes, Yes. I admit being a bit lazy with keeping this blog up. But since I had written 2 short articles in October I thought I might still post them here... Soon I will hopefully find some time to write an update about the last months in India. So here we go: Foolish? Nooo. Just a little taste of freedom in Mumbai! Last weekend we were moving from a club to a trainee flat (clubs close here at 1.30am and surely no one feels like going home at that time on a saturday nite!!!). One of the AIESECers, who recently started to hang out with us, asked me if I want to ride his motorbike!!! Seriously, the traffic in Bombay is so crazy – even at 2am – that you get at least 3 heart attacks per trip anyway. So the compromise was that I sit behind him and enjoy Mumbai by night - without a helmet. Wow, very cool trip but scary at the same time when you go at a speed of 70 km/h and many wild people are still around with their cars and Rikshaws… Good German Food! The 3rd October is officially a very important day for Germany – it is “The Day of German Unity”. But for most Germans it is rather a day off from work and nothing else. This fact changes once you are abroad! Through a simple registration at the German Consulate I received an invitation for the official celebrations at a very fancy hotel (Hilton Towers), some good Jazz music from Berlin (the group was called “Fun Horns”) and … FOOD! And I don’t mean any food – I am talking about German food flown in by Lufthansa straight from our beloved home country. Norman, Florian and I were stuffing everything in no matter what other people might have thought about it. Being here for almost 3 months, the need for good – non spicy! – food, wine and beer becomes overwhelming. And now I really appreciate those simple things like brown bread, cheese, ham, “Reibekuchen with Apfelmus” and Nuernberger Roastbratwurst! In the end we were really, really full and happy.

Monsoon 24/7

Almost 4 weeks later I definitely have to write some things down coz the impressions are just overwhelming here. Where to start... maybe with lettingyou know that I am ok after all the rain and shocking pictures you surelyhave seen somewhere. I moved in to my trainee flat which I am sharing with5 other people: Tim und Florian from Germany (it seems that I cant escape from Germans), Hiro from Japan, Victor from Romania (I met him already at some AIESEC conferences 2 years back “what a small world!") and Kate from the UK. Apart from Tim and Hiro we all just arrived and it looks like we are going to have some fun together during the next months. Our flat has 2 relatively small bedrooms with 2 beds and 1 closet each + 1 bigger living room where as well 2 people stay. And we have cable TV which is pretty luxury here since you are able to watch some news and you can have those lazy days in front of the TV (especially when you are sick). Additionally, we upgraded our flat by buying a washing machine! So far we brought most of our clothes to a laundry service around the corner since it is very tough to wash shirts, trousers and bed sheets in small buckets with cold water + trying to dry them in our humid flat¦ Imagine: My wooden necklaces, laptop bag and shoes started moulding after a few days!!! In a room where the fan remains switched on throughout. People keep on telling us that this will improve with the end of the Monsoon. Lets keep our fingers crossed. Now. I already mentioned it: the Monsoon¦ the top headline for the past 2 weeks in Mumbai.As a matter of fact I was sick that adventurous day and even didnt leave the house. It started to rain in the morning and we thought its just another Monsoon day - nothing special and for sure nothing to be scared off since the news on TV didnt say anything about the drama we were about to be part of. It rained the whole day non-stop. Just to make it clear: I am not talking about the rain we know from at home¦ decent and refreshing.This was heavy and killing. Slowly the streets got flooded and at 6pm the electricity went off. Apart from not having the TV with News-Updates anymore the fans went off and the humidity was taking over. So we were waiting in the dark for our roommates to come home after work. It took some of them 6 hours or even the whole night to reach home. They had to wade through the water, walk at the railway tracks and make sure not to fall into holes which you basically find everywhere at Indian roads. ActuallyHiro fell into a man hole and was under water for some seconds. Luckily nothing serious happened to him - just his camera, phone and ipod got spoiled. Others had to stay in a bus without having a seat for the whole night. So I guess I was lucky that day since my colleagues spent the night in the office and I was just sick at home! After 2 weeks things are almost back to normal now: Most of the trains are working again and shops get supplies like water and bread regularly. There was a long debate in TV about how the government handled the situation and which mistakes were made. One strange thing is for sure that there was no warning at all about heavy rainfalls - otherwise people could have stayed at home and fewer lives would have been in danger. Alone in Mumbai some hundred people died -mainly poor people from the slums. But it was incredible to see how people were coping with the situation and how quickly life seems to move on as if nothing has happened at all. I guess they dont have another choice...

My first days in India

I arrived in Bombay (Mumbai) 2 days ago and there are already some stories to share with you... Right now I am still staying with a host family and their 2 dogs (excellent since i have an animal hair allergy). But since they r leaving in 7 days for a trip (Germany, Austria, Switzerland) I will have to move by then. And thats the biggest problem I have right now... They wanted to move me to a hostel owned by the salvation army which is not really an option for me. I dont know - i dont seem to be that flexible anymore!!!! The situation will hopefully improve when many trainees leave middle of aug. but still i will have to share my room at least with one or two other people .... bahhh. i hate that (as u know me). apart from that my first day was connected to death - still wondering what kind of sign that was - i hope it didnt mean a thing. A dog died in our car while we were goin to hospital with the owner who is a friend of one of the Aiesecer. Sad moment. After that back to life and clubbin somewhere in town. Clearly a mixture of feelings... Today was my first day at work. My office is in a nice building and the other 3 Aiesec trainees r cool. Will have a meeting tomorrow and find out more abt my job role. Today i waited an hour in the morning and after 5min of small talk with my boss I was literally pushed into a board room where a meeting took place. I didnt have a clue and my boss just told me to observe. What else could I do anyways??? He himself didnt join. Felt a bit lost but survived.... This day wasnt mine anyways. Had to sleep in one bed with the mother of my host and next to the bed a dog. Great for my allergy! Had a perfect attack in the morning and the heat and humidity made me looking like a zombie when i arrived at work... but thanks to Air Condition I dried after a while (remember: I had to wait one hour for my boss) ... So. Now am leavin office (we have free internet in so called "i-zones") and meet up with 2 Kenyans! It will be so much fun to see them again. Hope u enjoyed reading. Feel free to comment! Jana